I’m nursing my terminal cat

She’s seriously deteriorated this past week she had cancer last year but it was so advanced it couldn’t fully be removed and all of a sudden the remaining tiny lump went from pea sized to like a massive slug over the matter of 3 weeks. She had a stroke in the last week or so and has been suffering minor fits (it moved to her brain) and shes no long able to walk but has been eating, drinking, alert and pain free we took her to the vet on Tuesday and they said see how she goes over the week. However today it’s become evident the end is near for my beautiful girl were not putting her down as she will be going by herself soon it seems, she hates the vets with all her might and I don’t want her to go in some where she hates and distresses her. Her kidneys are failing and she won’t eat by herself she’s semi coma meaning she’s awake but sleeping very deeply and not very responsive, I have had her on my lap most of today as she’s comfortable that way and wanting the company, I have to keep checking whether she’s breathing I love her so much but we can’t prolong this it’s not a quality of life for my independent cat, I’m enjoying having the company and seeing her the most content she has been in weeks it’s what’s stopping me from collapsing in tears..I love her so much, have had her 11 years from a little ticker tacker of a kitten she’s been my little guard and comfort (cats are my spirit guide and once she knew this we became a team) but I can’t keep her alive like this. My poor baby.. Sorry for the depressing post wanted to talk